Letters in Bio
by emonessxvampiress
Summary: A result of a certain Social Studies class, OOC, humorous.
1. Chapter 1

Characters:

_Edward _Bella_ Alice _**Emmett.**

Edward, what is the answer to number three?

_Bella, are you asking me to cheat?_

Maybe… So what is it?

_Figure it out._

I thought you loved me.

_I do, Bella, but you need to find the answer on your own._

Bite me, Edward.

_Only if you marry me, Bella._

Oh, look at you, a funny vampire!

_I wish you would stop treating it like a joke._

You know how I feel about that, Mister.

_And you know how I feel._

_Hi Bella!_

Hey, Alice.

_You're going to fall off your chair, Alice._

XP Don't be mean, Eddie.

_Yes, love._

**Whppsh! You're whipped, dude.**

_Shut it, Emmett, you shouldn't even be here. You're supposed to be in English._

**Shh, they don't know that!**

Eddie, what's the answer to number ten?

_No, Bella._

The answer is 'no?' Well, that's stupid; they have three lines to answer.

_I won't help you cheat, Bella._

Fine. Let me be a crazy cat lady who has no job. Thanks plenty, Edward.

_Bella, you hate cats._

So?

_Never mind._

_Don't underestimate her, Edward. She will do it._

_Thanks Alice._

_You're very much obliged._

**Eddie, Grizzlies after school?**

'Eddie' and 'grizzlies' sound weird in the same sentence.

_Sure, Emmett._

**Yeah! I'm going to sing!**

_No, Emmett, not-_

Too late.

_Barbie Girl, Emmett?_

**Yep.**

Mr. Banner is looking at you funny, Emmett.

_What do you expect? He just sang Barbie Girl._

**A/n: So there you have it, folks. I own nothing. This is a result of me and a very boring Social Studies class plus insomnia…. You get…….. Weird randomness!**


	2. Chapter 2

Characters:

Edward, Mr. Banner is boring me.

_And, Bella?_

Say something funny.

_Something funny._

Ha-Ha, Eddiekins.

_Don't call me that._

Why nooot?

**Because he's a party pooper.**

_Shut up Emmett. Why are you always here?_

**Because English sucks.**

And you are a party pooper, Eddiekins.

**Yeah! I turned your girlfriend against you!**

_You're so cruel to Edward, Emmett._

_Thank you, Alice. Shouldn't you be in Spanish?_

_Maybe. What's it to you?_

_Never mind._

_Yeah, you better not say anything._

_I love you, Alice._

WTF!? I thought you loved me!

_You are so silly sometimes, love. I love Alice like a sister._

**That's not true. Liar! Liar! Li-**

_Emmett, I will give you a grizzly if you shut up now._

**A Grizzly? Okay!**

You are so stupid, Emmett. But I love you.

_I thought you loved __**me?**_

Sure, sure, Eddiekins.

_Whoa. I see wedding bells in the near future. And they aren't yours._

**Whose?**

_Nobody's._

Alice, tell us. Edward, did you see it?

_Chill, dudes. I was pulling a fast one on you._

**Do you guys like blood?**

EW, blood!

_Tell me, Bella, how did you end up with a vampire who needs blood to survive?_

I don't really know. But you are cute. And sweet. And I love you.

**Get a room!**

_They are in one, Bozo._

**Then get an outside!**

_You show PDAs all the time with Rosalie, Emmett._

**We're seniors. Literally. It's a bit different.**

_Think what you want._

_Guys, I think Mr. Banner suspects us._

Bite him, Edward.

_No. As much as I hate his class, I will not kill him._

Humph. Fine, be that way.

_Yeah, Edward._

**Yeah, Eddie.**

_What's with all the names? It's Edward._

**And you're whipped.**

_Am not._

Yes, you are, Eddie-poo.

_Fine._

**Whpppsh!**

_Shut up, Emmett._


	3. Chapter 3

Characters:

Bella/_Edward/__Alice_**/Emmett/**_**Jacob/**__**Mike**_

Edward, do you love me?

_Yes, Bella._

Liar!

_I'm not lying._

Yes you are. I'm leaving you!

_No, Bella!_

_**Yes!**_

_Where did you come from, Jacob?_

_**Up your butt and around the corner.**_

_You are so immature._

_**At least I won Bella. You lost, bloodsucker.**_

Actually, neither of you won. I'm going to Mike.

_**Yes! I finally get Bella! After all these years of stalking her!**_

Excuse me?

_**Nothing.**_

_**He said he stalks you.**_

_**Did not.**_

_I heard it too._

_Me too._

**Me four.**

Wow, Mike. That's freaky. Get away.

_**We are in Bio, I can't get away, or I'll fail.**_

_He will. But I don't care._

_Ditto._

_**Same.**_

**Tritto.**

_Tritto? WTF is that?_

**It's my special word. It rocks!**

_You are retardo, Emmett._

**Am not.**

I thought you guys were agreeing on everything.

_Why would you think that?_

No reason.

_**So Bella, who are you going to choose?**_

Hmmmm……Eddie!

_**WTF? You just told him you would leave him!**_

I was lying.

_Oh yeah! I pwned you guys!_


	4. Chapter 4

Characters:

Bella/_Edward/__Alice_** /**_**Jacob**_

_**Bella, your bloodsuckers are creepy.**_

_At least we don't turn into giant dogs._

_**Oh, yeah?**_

_Nice comeback, mutt._

_**At least I don't have the need to drink Bella's blood.**_

_That was below the belt._

You guys don't have to be so mean to each other, jeez.

_**You were the one that had to confide in mythical creatures.**_

Maybe I had no idea there_ were_ mythical creatures.

_So why are we creepy, Jacob?_

_**You have your freaking mind power thingamabobs.**_

_Thingamabobs? What? Are you in kindergarten?_

_**Shut up, leech.**_

Do you read off a list for vampire nicknames, Jacob?

_**Maybe.**_

_He does. He just thought of it._

_**Get out of my head, Dracula!**_

Please don't call my boyfriend Dracula, Jacob.

_**Why not? He's old enough.**_

_That is true._

_**And who is he kidding? He is, like, such a pedophile.**_

_Can't say I don't agree with him there, either._

_I thought you were supposed to be on my side, Alice._

_Nope. I'm on the side that makes sense._

I guess that makes sense.

_**My senses are better than his senses.**_

God, I hate mythical creatures. Edward is a vampire, Jacob is a werewolf, and Alice is a pixie; but you guys have to fight for me? Pixies don't have any enemies!

_Hey!_

_**Can't say you don't look like one.**_

_I agree. You are small enough to be one._

_Okay, enough of picking on Alice, continue with seeing who is better for Bella._

Why would you say that, Alice?

_**I'm taller.**_

_She loves me more._

_**I can give her babies.**_

Jake! Gross! You are going down the wrong path there, pal.

_**You know it's true.**_

_I can cool her down if she has a fever._

_WTF does that have to do with anything?_

_**I can warm her if she's cold.**_

I like the cold.

_Ha! Eat that!_

_**It's not edible.**_

_Good point there, Bud._

_Why is everyone going against me?_

_Because he's making more sense now._

I love you Edward. And Jacob?

_Thanks for choosing, Bella._

Don't you roll your eyes at me!

_**She said she loves me too. Hear that!**_

_I have vampire hearing. Of course I heard it._

_None of you made sense. This is a letter. You can't hear it._

I agree with Alice.

_**Fine then. **_**Read**_** that.**_

_Why does Jacob make more sense than you? You're 107 years old._

She has a point there.

_Maybe I didn't read the handbook on 'How to Deal with Pesky Werewolves."_

_**I am not pesky. You are.**_

_Shut up._

_**No.**_

I have never noticed. Edward is a pedophile. I just got that.

_Wow. Slow, much?_

Shut up.

**A/n: This will be the last chapter in this 'story'. I have another idea and I can't wait to get on it. Plus, I can't work on three things at once, so see ya'll later in another story!**


	5. Chapter 5

Characters:

_Edward, _Bella, **Emmett**

Eddie!

_Yes, Bella?_

When are you gonna change me!?

_Must we talk about this now?_

**I believe we do, **_**Eddie.**_

_Hey. YOU do not call me Eddie. Only Bella._

**Man, I keep tellin' you. Whppsh!**

_I am not whipped!_

Edward!

_What?_

You didn't answer my question, sweetiekins.

_Not anytime soon, Bella._

**HA!**

_Ha?_

Ha.

_Why are you saying HA!_

**She called you sweetiekins.**

This is true.

_Well, obviously, Bella._

**He's calling you an idiot, Bella.**

_I am not._

Ohmegawd. Edward, how can you say that?

_I didn't._

**I think he did.**

Oh snap!

_Oh snap?_

**Oh snap.**

When we get out of this class, I am going to give a very furious Z formation.

**Oh no, she didn't.**

_I think she did._

Oh yeah, I did!

_Bella._

What?

_I love you. I would never call you an idiot._

**He seems sincere.**

He does. But how can I be sure? o.O

**You can't.**

Ohmegawd.

**I say stay mad at him.**

_Emmett. I swear, how do you even get into this class every day?_

**I just do, man. I got mad skillz.**

It's true.

_Sigh._

* * *

_**A/N: So this is just a nice extra to the Letters In Bio "story". I am so, so, so, so sorry that I have not uploaded in the course of like.....two years. :D This is my way of trying to get some people back on my side and such. If you have left me for another, I totally understand. Heidi didn't review this chapter simply because I uploaded this on a whim, and so yeah. Sorry Heidi. I'm pretty sure nobody even remembers me, but I promise I will get back on writing some stories. Some will be about other books, movies and other random things, but Twilight stories will still be posted. Review, por favor? :D**_

**_Time for a little legal action-_**

**_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER, AT LEAST NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE. I DON'T OWN THIS FONT, OR THESE LETTERS, BUT I DO OWN THIS IDEA. I THINK. IF I DON'T, SO SORRY. :3_**

**_Just a little reminder- I'm sorry and I hope you review. ^.^_**


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